


back against the wall

by sten06



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex teaching Sam how to fight, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, Post-Reign, Sparring, i just love them i dont care, its my birthday i do what i want, literally banging against a wall, then a little bit of actual fighting, then ohhhh it gets delicious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 01:16:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14581746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sten06/pseuds/sten06
Summary: kara convinces alex to start training sam, helping her adjust to life post-reign.... but alex is still dealing with her own demons, wondering if she can just move on from the 'almost' she had with sam before everything fell apart.





	back against the wall

**Author's Note:**

> this is self-indulgent because i love DEO training uniforms and i love handsome sam and alex danvers. apologies if any mistakes... this fic literally punched back and was a struggle for me to make sound less garbled.
> 
> supercorp version coming next.

The sounds of airy laughter and light-hearted jabs sneak their way through the vents of the DEO and right into Alex’s ears. It happens frequently now, or more specifically, every Tuesday and Thursday evening, because that’s when Kara and Lena have the training room booked for lessons.

 _Lessons_ , Alex scoffs to herself. _Right_.

Still, every time Kara’s laugh echoes down the hallway, Alex can’t help but smile. It’s a genuine smile, too, not the fake ‘force-yourself-happy’ one that she sometimes parades around with. This one etches itself permanently across her face with an intent to stay, because hearing Kara laugh is so much better than the other sounds that have come from that room: the quiet sniffles when even Supergirl can’t get there in time, or the raging screams that come when everything is just too heavy, even for someone with super strength. The floor contains shadows of pain and sadness, the walls hold the huffs of frustration and the wails of sacrifice. Of course, that’s what a training room is for, to strengthen even the strongest of heroes, but Kara has been through more than that. They all have, but her sister, as always, has taken most of the burden on her unbreakable shoulders.

So to hear her laugh…

Even on her worst days, Alex prefers this sound to any other.

When she comes to the lab a few hours later, pink-cheeked and grinning, Alex watches her with amusement. She stands taller these days; weightless, it seems, with her secret out in the open and Lena by her side. And hopefully, with this new training regimen, the two of them will figure out the rest of their situation and make the final step into full-time happiness.

 _That makes one of us_ , Alex thinks wryly. The sharp thorn of guilt twists in her gut, but for just one second, she allows herself to be pierced. Really, though, if it has to be one of them, she’d always choose Kara’s happiness over her own. In every circumstance, every time.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Kara starts, her eyes darting to the floor as she speaks. She frowns slightly as she pauses, causing Alex to wonder about the sudden shift in her mood. “There’s someone else that could probably use our help with training.”

“Okay…” Alex responds. The lump in her throat grows, but she swallows it down, because surely Kara can’t possibly mean…

“Sam.”

The name lands heavily, suffocating all the sounds in the room as the breath leaves her lungs. It feels more like Kara launched across the table and kicked her square in the stomach instead of just speaking three letters. It’s just a name, for God’s sake. A nickname that is the comical opposite of intimidating. But as soon as it’s uttered, Alex feels the effects tearing through her like shrapnel. There are more memories than she knows what to do with and a profound tightness in her chest. There’s memories of pancakes, and movies, and the way Sam would glance innocently over her wine glass and grin with a dopey smile, her eyes ever-inviting and seemingly aware of _everything_. There’s lingering looks across rooms at parties, and later, teasing tongues along flushed skin with no one else to interrupt. There’s the warmth of Sam’s laughter echoing in Alex’s ears, and whispered confessions under the pre-dawn light.

_“Sam is Reign.”_

Lena’s words had shattered everything, and it all changed in an instant.

Alex feels the pit in her stomach as she remembers gentle eyes that would suddenly go red with brimstone, spewing words of justice with Reign’s tinny voice. There’s Sam’s bright smile and the way it would flicker and fade before the take over. There’s the throbbing pain in her leg, her tibia shattered from Reign’s blunt force. There’s Ruby, and tear-stained pillows; there’s Sam curled up in a ball, shaking and crying and desperate to remember.

Then there’s the darkness. The fall, and the unknown, and the silence she’s been left with ever since.

And she knows. She knows Reign is dead and gone, and only Sam remains -- Sam, with the power of several Kryptonians, because somehow the strength stayed even though the personality did not -- but it doesn’t make the past few months any easier to swallow.

There’s also the sadness. No, that doesn’t seem right, Alex corrects herself. Maybe sadness isn’t the right word. It’s more of a longing, a craving that keeps her up at night, tossing and turning when she thinks about what they might have been. Or really, what they might still have, if only Alex could be brave enough to face it. But does Sam remember, or does she choose to forget? Alex swallows heavily as she wonders if she even wants the answer.

“Well, I’ve started helping Lena, so I could also help Sam,” Kara suggests, her fingers fidgeting with the base of the microscope on the table. Her voice cuts into Alex’s thoughts. She shifts her gaze upright to focus, and Alex forces herself to try to look impassive. “Unless…”

“Unless what?”

“Unless you want to,” Kara finishes. She raises her eyebrows like she knows more than she’s letting on, and Alex immediately crosses her arms to keep the feelings from escaping.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come _on,_ Alex. I see the way you look at her! Even now, when she comes in to the DEO, you still can’t keep it together around her!” Kara’s face softens, but the teasing grin spills out over her lips and Alex’s cheeks blaze. Before she can speak, Kara points at her accusingly. “And don’t try to deny that Sam doesn’t do the same around you. She has _definitely_ checked you out. She always has, and she still does.”

“N-No, no she doesn’t,” Alex vehemently denies. She wonders how obvious she’s been with her side-eyes and distracted ramblings, but Kara just stares at her with that annoying cheeky smile. _Bump into one table while looking at Sam and this is what happens,_ Alex thinks bitterly. She runs her fingers through her hair, pulling slightly to try to feel something else besides embarrassment. But if Kara has noticed Sam looking just as much, then maybe, just maybe, it isn’t all bad.

“She has?” Alex finally asks, the curiosity getting the better of her.

“She has,” Kara nods. “A lot.”

Alex ponders this, taking a brief second to feel smug, almost like she’s in control. She knows it’s probably true, because they were just so _close_ to tumbling over the ledge before it all happened. One more night pressed together under the confines of Sam’s sheets, one more casual brush of fingertips against a forearm during game night, and they both would have fallen. An inch and a push, and who knows where they’d be.

But when the wind changes directions and you’re flying high, it can be catastrophic. Like Icarus and his wings, flying too close to the sun, Alex wonders if Sam isn't the only one who came crashing back to Earth.

“Anyway that doesn’t matter, this is a professional situation. I’m a professional,” Alex says, shrugging off the heavy feeling around her shoulders. “But I can’t help but notice how you wasted no time getting hands-on with Lena.”

“I-- that’s--” Kara scoffs, rolling her eyes dramatically. Her mouth hangs open for several beats too long as she tries to form a sentence. “That’s different! J’onn asked me to help!”

“Is that what we’re calling it these days?” Alex smirks.

“Alex!”

“Kara!”

They stare each other down, Kara clenching her jaw and Alex feeling her own lips twist in stubborn silence. She crosses her arms and watches Kara mirror her movements, the tension extending between them into uncomfortable territory. It feels like the early days when they used to spar together, both too proud to give in, both too intense to back off.  

Finally, Alex’s resolve -- and patience -- runs out. She sighs.

“Fine, I’ll take Sam,” Alex relents. She holds her hands out more as a gesture of goodwill, but Kara simply beams at her in triumph.

“Good, because she’s already here.”

“What?!”

“You’ll thank me later!” Kara says, her eyes sparkling. “Have fun with McSteamy!”

“Call her that again, see what happens!” Alex exclaims, feeling the way her chest explodes with fire. She pushes past Kara and angles herself out of the lab, pausing at the doorway. She turns and stops, a small grin playing over her lips as she tries to keep from laughing. “Besides, you’ll be too busy with McDreamy to notice.”

Alex turns swiftly on her heel and marches away, listening as Kara’s stumbling protests echo down the hall. She turns the corner and leans against the wall, closing her eyes for a moment to gain any kind of composure. She’s determined to distract herself from the images that Kara’s inappropriate nickname for Sam has brought to her mind-- mostly rippling abs and long, lean legs sculpted from Kryptonian gods  -- before the sound of a hesitant throat clearing interrupts her dangerously wandering thoughts.

Her eyes fly open and she's hit head on with an image pulled straight from her deepest, most coveted dreams: Sam, standing tall and majestic with a DEO zippered hoodie left open dangerously low to expose a pointed collarbone and a throat crafted in the fashion of Apollo’s lyre. Alex tries to breathe, but when she blinks, she’s hit by the fact that the spandex pants hug every glorious inch of Sam’s endless legs. Alex feels the attraction bowl over her like a tidal wave and she grips the hallway railing unconsciously as she tries to ride it out.

Sam walks toward her with timid steps and a slow, tentative smile.

“Hi Alex.”

“H-h-hey! Hey you!” Alex exclaims, trying to remember how to keep her face normal. Is she smiling too much? Does she look as terrified as she feels? She closes the gap between them and can’t decide what the appropriate gesture would be in greeting. What’s the proper etiquette when greeting an almost-ex-lover that you wish was still yours? Her mind blanks, so she settles on an awkward friendly punch to the shoulder. The moment her fist connects, the pain of regret rockets through her arm. Touching Sam is like hitting an actual boulder and Alex shakes her hand as she winces. “Yep, strong. Still strong.”

Sam’s eyes widen in a panic as she reaches for Alex’s hand. “Oh! Sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t apologize, it’s great! I mean, it’s -- you know --” Alex fumbles over her words as she continues to shake out her hand. She eventually clasps them behind her back in order to stop flapping. “Anyway. You-- You clean up nice.”

Sam’s cheeks turn the slightest shade of pink as she looks away, and Alex congratulates herself internally for saying _something_ clever. “Are you ready to get started?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!” Sam grins, motioning with her arms as she shrugs. The DEO jacket is taut around her long, lean limbs, and Alex can see the lines of muscle rippling as she flexes her forearms. She tries to look elsewhere, but as she brings her eyes to the floor, it requires a long journey down the rest of Sam’s body. Her gaze travels down the expanse of her legs for the second time in so many minutes.

 _We need new training gear_ , Alex muses, the sweat forming on her brow. _Bigger hoodies, maybe. Or burlap sacks._ Sam shifts again, and Alex shakes her head. _Nope, she’d still be hot._

Alex leads her down the hallway toward the training room, trying to fill the silence as they walk side by side.

“This will be easy for you to pick up. I know you knew how to fight before--” Alex stops abruptly, pausing in horror at the way she almost just nonchalantly started talking about Reign, like it was a normal occurrence or something as pedestrian as the weather.

 _Hey remember how you used to know how to fight when you were an actual super villain?_ Alex winces, cursing herself internally. “I’m--uh--That’s not what I meant.”

She tries to silently will her apology at Sam through a combination of sorrowful looks, but Sam doesn’t flinch. Alex catches the way her shoulders stiffen slightly, but she recovers gracefully.

“It’s the one part I wouldn’t mind remembering,” Sam admits softly. “Everything else I’m fine with forgetting. But learning how to fight and use my powers properly -- I’m completely at a loss. I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

Alex’s heart breaks at the way Sam looks at her in earnest, her eyebrows furrowed with deep regret. She wonders if those lines will ever fade from Sam’s face, or if they will simply be woven into the tapestry of her skin as the hardest part of her story.

“Well muscle memory is a fantastic thing," Alex hears herself saying. She forces herself to smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll have you crushing bad guys in no time.”

“Thanks so much for doing this Alex. Really,” Sam says, her eyes softening in relief. She reaches out and places a surprisingly gentle hand on Alex’s shoulder. She can barely feel Sam’s grip, and she marvels at how much concentration it must take for her to be so careful. Sam must be terrified. Not only of breaking everything she looks at, the way Kara used to be when she first arrived on Earth, but more because of the fact that she already _has_ destroyed so much. Sam is painfully aware of what she is capable of, even if she wasn’t the one to see it done.

Kara came with a lot of baggage, but never destruction caused by her own hands.

“Oh, well, it’s nothing--” Alex assures her, keeping her smile light despite the heavy thoughts that plague her mind. “I’m sure you’d rather have Supergirl, of course, but with Lena also needing help…”

“No, I’m glad it’s you,” Sam quickly interjects.

“You are?” Alex is taken aback by Sam’s candor, but tries to hide the surprise from showing all over her face. Inside, she practically soars.

“Who better than the one who taught Supergirl all she knows?” Sam stops walking and turns to her with a sweet, caring smile. The one she always used to get before the fall. It’s enough to make Alex weak in the knees, as she wishes she could trace it with her lips and commit it to memory for good.

“You…. I mean… not _everything_ ,” Alex chuckles nervously, the warmth of pride stirring up in her chest. “A few things, though.”

“The most important things,” Sam says sincerely. “You would have been my first choice.”

Alex nods silently at that, gesturing to the open door of the training room and ushering Sam inside.

 

\----- 

 

“Don’t hold back.”

It’s the first thing Sam says as she squares her shoulders, looking at Alex with determination etched along her jaw, muscles flexing beneath the smooth skin of her face. She sheds the sweatshirt from her shoulders, revealing a black tank top that is practically painted around her torso. Alex swallows heavily.

“Shouldn’t I be the one telling you that?” Alex eventually quips, getting in position. She means it in so many different ways, but sticking with friendly banter seems to be where she’s destined to live these days. Sam grins slightly, showcasing the first smile Alex has seen from her in as many weeks. It isn’t full strength by any means, but it’s _something_ , and Alex focuses on the little glimmer of hope crinkling the corner of Sam’s mouth.

She mirrors Sam’s ready stance, feeling the competitive fire stir in her chest. She pauses, taking a second to study Sam’s eyes: those deep, rich eyes, filled with so much concentration that Alex easily picks up on the doubt that hides behind them. It was only a few weeks ago that Alex would have given anything to stare wordlessly into Sam’s eyes -- because they held promise, and sparkle, and just a little bit of something extra. Desire, maybe, if Alex really wants to _go_ there. But now, they’re different -- tentative, unsure, guilt-ridden -- and she tries to avoid getting lost in them altogether. She catches herself tensing, half-expecting angry flashes of red to appear menacingly, and Sam’s stare to fade to dark black vacancy. But nothing comes. Just a nervous silence and intense focus from an opponent with the best intentions.

Reign will never return, but Alex hates that she needs to keep reminding herself of that.

They have had a few sessions up to this point, mostly working with the heavy bag: Alex giving pointed instructions regarding footwork and positioning, with Sam tirelessly practicing a flurry of movements. Alex knows Sam is driven by guilt, and motivated by fear, watchful for the demons of her past to reappear at any moment. She hopes it’s something they can change as they continue to train. Sam’s body is powerful beyond measure, potentially stronger than even Kara’s, but her mind is jumbled and confused, lost in torturous chaos. It doesn’t bode well for a hero looking for redemption, no matter how big of a heart she has.

“This room has special effects to put us at even strength, so don’t be afraid, okay?” Alex reminds her. She wants Sam to be able to let go of her doubts and fears, focusing fully on her objective. “We’ve been working on your footwork -- getting in the right positions, maintaining control. Now, we’ll put it together with some actual sparring. This way, when we bring you back to full strength, your body will recognize the patterns and you can do them faster. Make sense?”

Sam nods.

Alex returns it with a quick nod of her own head before easily falling into fight mode. She bounces on the balls of her feet effortlessly, and brings her fists to her face to protect herself. She surveys Sam’s body language, determining the best places to strike.

Even without her powers, Sam is agile and fast, possessing a grace that is unteachable. Alex marvels at the way she moves, distracted momentarily by the lines in her shoulders that flex with every small motion. Sam circles around her, doing just as much of an assessment on Alex as Alex is doing on her, leaving her feeling the slightest bit vulnerable. 

Alex pulls her focus back to the matter at hand, starting to pick her targets. Sam is tall, with a propensity to strike too high, so Alex takes advantage and takes a step with her right foot, easily engaging Sam in hand to hand combat. Sam deflects Alex’s jabs, one right after the other, but is so focused on her hands that she misses Alex’s knee driving into her stomach. It’s enough to send Sam reeling back on her heels, forced to bend over due to the blow.

“Follow my lead,” Alex encourages. “Keep your weight forward.”

Sam huffs in frustration, before nodding firmly and blowing the stray hair out of her face. She brings her fist up to jaw level and narrows her eyes. “Go.”

Alex continues to come at her, repeating the same moves in a pattern so Sam can start to anticipate what comes next. She keeps the upper hand for awhile, easily getting Sam out of position with a few easy combinations that send her awkwardly stumbling over her feet. She can see the frustration building as Sam tenses, but she remains silent and continues to square her shoulders and clench her jaw.

Alex notices the way Sam defends herself fairly well, but hesitates before allowing herself to attack. She’s still holding back, afraid of what she might do, afraid of hurting anyone. Afraid of hurting _Alex_. It’s endearing, in a way, and reminiscent of the kind, gentle soul Alex was just starting to get to know. She fills with warmth for the briefest of seconds, allowing herself to get lost in a spare second of contentment before shaking herself out of it.

 _Now is not the time,_ she chides herself. Reveling in Sam’s kindness is not the mindset to be in, and it won’t help either of them in the long run. Alex shifts gears slightly and goes into a defensive mode, forcing Sam to come at her. She holds out her arm and waves her forward, nodding with a bit of a teasing smile.

“Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Sam’s forehead crinkles with worry, but she pushes it aside and nods. She takes a hesitant step forward, then another, before she begins to take several well-placed jabs in quick succession. Alex deflects them, pushing her hands away harder than necessary, trying to goad Sam into competing. Eventually, Sam starts throwing combination punches rapidly, her right hand jabbing while her left hooks high. Alex knows it’s coming, but allows herself to take the blow in order to build Sam’s confidence. If she can see that a few punches won’t kill her, it will hopefully get her to become more aggressive.

Sam’s fist connects solidly with Alex’s ribs, and it doesn’t hurt the way it should, but Alex nods enthusiastically.

“Nice!”

Sam stops, her shoulders slumping. She drops her fists.

“You’re letting me hit you.”

“And you’re barely trying,” Alex retorts, crossing her arms. “ _Trust_ yourself.”

Sam swallows heavily. She looks to the ground before nodding to herself.

“Okay.”

Alex switches tactics and starts coming at her faster, striking her with well placed punches that outpace Sam’s hands. She continues coming at her, her mind on auto-pilot, ignoring the fact that it’s Sam and just focusing on landing her hits, one after the other. Finally, Sam takes a stand, intercepting Alex’s fist and deflecting it strongly, before shifting her weight forward and launching a speedy counterattack. Alex is ready for it, but pleased to be back on her heels as Sam moves craftily, her feet dancing lightly as she moves. She fakes with her right, before Alex feels a solid fist land heavily against her side. She grunts at the blow, feeling another graze her jaw. It sends her reeling a few steps backward, and she looks up at Sam’s face to see her eyes sparkling.

“Ha!” Sam exclaims before hesitating. “Wait, was that real?”

“Yes--” Alex grunts, rubbing the stinging side of her face. “Too real.”

Sam pumps her fist in victory, and Alex can’t help but shake her head and smile back.

After that, the clouds seem to lift. Sam starts to dominate, and Alex concedes that she’s even better than anticipated. Sam’s confidence starts to build as she lands hit after hit, smirking while she does. Alex wipes the sweat from her brow and shakes her head.

“I regret this already,” Alex teases. “I remember how you get during game nights.”

“Ruby is worse.”

“Oh, I know. Once I taught her how to play poker, my wallet immediately regretted it.”

Sam drops her fists, standing up straight and looking at Alex with a disapproving smile.

“You taught her _what_?”

“Nothing, you’re getting distracted.”

“We’re talking about this later. I’m not done with you yet.”

Sam gets back into position. She fakes high before thrusting forward, landing a well-timed punch that Alex catches, her hands grasping firmly around Sam’s wrist. Instead of recoiling, Sam flexes strongly, positioning herself low and easily flipping Alex off her feet. She pins her roughly down to the mat, her forearm across her throat before Alex can even exhale. It happens so fast that Alex isn’t quite sure how she got to be in this position, her back against the floor and her eyes staring at the ceiling.

“G-good. Yes, good.” Alex wheezes. “Do you need a break?”

“Do you?” Sam rolls off of her with a triumphant smirk. “Endurance has always been my strong suit.”

A jolt of electricity goes straight through Alex’s core at the way Sam looks at her with a knowing expression, like she understands perfectly well what she’s doing. But just like that, her eyes flutter and her face resumes the casual blankness Alex is reluctantly getting used to. As quick as it comes, the moment is dashed.

“I’m good,” Alex says, frustrated at herself for falling prey to Sam’s easy charm.

Sam offers her hand, but Alex just shakes her off, jumping back up to fighting position. She’s ready now, more engaged and prepared to teach Sam a few lessons. They start again, and Sam continues to keep up, even with Alex trying some of her more advanced moves.

She watches as the muscles in Sam’s neck flex, pulled like a bowstring with every sharp movement of her arms. Alex finds herself distractedly pawing away Sam’s punches as she becomes painfully aware of Sam’s bare arms wrapping around her, pulling against her as she anchors for position. Alex exhales and forces herself to focus, despite the unforgiving warmth of Sam’s breath in her ear and the tense muscles of her stomach that pulse against Alex's back. She somehow manages to slip out of Sam's grip, turning to face her once more.

Sam launches forward, aiming to strike high but Alex easily side steps, feeling the air as Sam’s fist whizzes past her ear. Alex takes advantage of Sam’s off-balance position and jab steps quickly, landing a quick and sharp elbow right between her shoulder blades. Sam huffs in frustration, pulling herself back upright and turning to face front, her fists up high and waiting.

“Don’t give it away, I saw it coming,” Alex says between breaths. “Keep your body tighter. You’re tall and long, you have to work harder not to telegraph your movements.”

Sam nods, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand.

Sam’s feet flutter effortlessly as she shifts, her head bobbing one way in an attempt to get Alex to misstep. Alex doesn’t fall for the fake, and instead focuses on her torso, watching with eagle eyes at the way it stays straight despite Sam’s attempts to throw her off balance. Sam steps powerfully with her right foot in front, and Alex tenses, but the length of Sam’s reach manages to catch her off guard. Alex doesn’t react as quickly as she should and it causes her to step awkwardly. She successfully avoids Sam’s left hook, but it comes at the detriment of her right leg, which gives out mercilessly from under her, the pain searing up through her hip.

It’s the leg she -- Reign -- snapped months ago, and Alex grits her teeth in pain as the leg buckles, causing her to tumble to the floor. She reaches out to clutch at her shin, pawing at it in vain as a flash of hot light momentarily blinds her vision.

“Alex!” Sam cries out, immediately crouching by her side.

“I’m okay.”

“Your leg…” Sam says, concern all over her face. She reaches out tentatively with a shaky hand before retreating, thinking better of it. “Is that...the same one you broke?”

“It’s fine.” Alex waves her off gruffly. “Just stiffens up sometimes.”

“How did--” Sam rocks back to sit on her heels, pulling herself away from Alex’s side. She frowns as she studies her and Alex’s heart pounds in her ears. “When it happened, you said an alien attacked you, right? Who did it?”

“It was nothing, just something that happened out in the field...” Alex responds, stopping as she watches Sam scowl.

“Not what I asked.”

Alex pauses. She goes to speak, but can’t find the words. _Reign._

Their eyes lock and Alex recognizes the crestfallen look on Sam’s face. She doesn’t have to say it, because Sam knows. She doesn’t remember, but she knows. The realization lands heavily on both of them and Alex watches as Sam’s shoulders slump in dejection. She brings her hand to her mouth, staring wide-eyed at the floor and shaking her head in disbelief.

“It wasn’t--” Alex tries again. “You didn’t--”

“Right.”

Sam throws her a glare that is heated with hatred, but Alex knows who it is truly intended for. She slaps her thighs angrily as she pushes herself back to standing. She turns her back to Alex, her shoulders tense and angry, the muscles shifting around her blades with nothing to cover them from sight. Alex watches her from the ground, wishing she could say something to make it better. It isn’t okay, none of it is, but she doesn’t need Sam to feel guilty for this, too.

Sam works out the kinks in her neck, an old habit Alex recognizes in times of particular stress. She runs her hand over her head, slicking back her hair and scratching at her scalp. Before Alex can speak, Sam turns back around and reaches her hand down to help. Even in pain, Sam is still kind hearted, thinking about others instead of herself. Alex places her hand tentatively in Sam’s grip, and allows her to pull her effortlessly off the training room floor. Sam looks at her and tries to smile, but Alex sees the way her chin quivers and her eyes glisten with tears.

“Sam--” Alex tries, but Sam’s eyes flutter to the ceiling, willing herself not to cry.

“Maybe we can take just a quick break,” she practically whispers, but Alex doesn’t get a chance to answer. She’s forced to stand in silence as Sam turns and walks abruptly away.

Alex hobbles to the wall and slumps down, sliding back to the floor as the pain blazes up her leg. It pales in comparison to the wretched feeling in her stomach at the image of Sam’s broken expression. She wants so badly to comfort Sam, to tell her that no one thinks of her and Reign as the same entity, but how can she say it when all she sees when she looks in her eyes are the ghosts of a not-so-distant past?

It’s not all she sees, of course. But the knee jerk reaction is still there, and Alex hates herself for it.

The door eventually opens softly and Alex hears the soft sound of Sam’s footsteps. She looks up slowly.

“Sam…”

“I’m good.” Sam shrugs it off like it’s nothing, offering a weak smile that doesn’t even come close to reaching her eyes. Alex’s heart drops. “Is your leg okay?”

Alex nods, feeling the dull ache in her shin that burns like some other things she wishes she could forget. Sam stares at it for a second too long, her lips twisted in contemplation. Their eyes meet again, and Sam sighs.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing,” Alex insists. “It wasn’t you.”

Alex scrambles to get up, turning her back to Sam so she won’t see the way she winces and has to grit her teeth to keep the pain at bay. She’s determined to act like this is nothing, because she doesn’t need to pour on the guilt for something that shouldn’t matter. It’s unfortunate, and an injury she wishes she didn’t have, but it’s old news now. And she doesn’t blame Sam.

She could never blame Sam.

Sam grabs her sweatshirt off the floor, throwing it over herself and zipping it up slowly. They fall back into their positions quietly. Alex starts off slow, testing her leg and trying to keep herself focused. Sam, on the other hand, surprises her by jumping back in with an intense spark in her eyes.

After only a few movements, Alex is struggling to catch her breath. Sam is moving circles around her, suddenly much more difficult to keep up with. She feels the exertion in all her muscles as she tries to defend against Sam’s whirlwind of movements. Alex connects solidly with Sam’s forearm, her fist easily deflected by Sam’s rapid defense. Sam comes at her relentlessly, backing Alex down step by step. She whirls around and kicks sharply, aiming for Alex’s chest, missing only by inches and hitting high against her shoulder. Alex backs up until she's going in a circle, realizing too late that Sam seems to have her cornered. A sharp knee to the chest rattles her concentration and Alex exhales in surprise. She goes to strike back, but Sam catches her arm and holds it painfully in her grip. Alex tries with her right, but yields the same frustrating result, pushing uselessly against Sam’s superior strength. Even without her powers, Alex is no match when it comes to basic strength. Sam holds her forearms in place, her face inches away from Alex’s own. Her chest rises and falls steadily, like she’s trying to stay contained. Alex feels the angry tension hissing between them, twisted in heavy breaths and aching limbs. They stare at each other, a loaded exchange that Alex can’t understand as she narrows her vision and waits. Sam is seething, and Alex can _feel_ the anger radiating from her body. It isn’t the kind that came from Reign. It’s pain, and sadness and regret, all releasing at once in a geyser explosion of self-loathing.

Sam pushes her back violently and releases her grip with frustrated snarl. Alex trips and stumbles to the side as a result of Sam’s weight no longer supporting her body.

“What was that all about?” Alex calls after her.

“Nothing.”

“Or something.”

The heavy silence chokes the air. Alex wants to call after her again, but thinks better of it. Instead, she takes a step forward, then another, before Sam whirls around with her finger pointed angrily at Alex’s chest.

“You _should_ be afraid of me!” Sam cries out, the exasperation finally breaking as her voice cracks. “Look what I did to you! I am capable of so much worse. I’m a monster! Don’t you get it?”

“Sam--”

“No, Alex, don’t try to tell me that you believe in me,” Sam says, retreating backwards and crossing her arms. “I did all of those terrible things. Maybe I’m not worth saving.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is,” Sam says quietly. She hangs her head, staring down at the floor as Alex tries to reach for her arms. “You all mean well, but even you don’t look at me the same way anymore.”

Alex freezes, feeling the knot in her chest tighten at Sam’s accusation.

“I-- that’s not--that’s not what it is.”

“Then what is it?” Sam pushes. She looks harshly, her neck straining slightly in the direction of Alex’s face like she’s trying to silently will a confession out of Alex’s lips.

Alex doesn’t respond and Sam just rolls her eyes. It causes something to shift in Alex’s chest, the dam holding back all her frustration beginning to crack and erode piece by piece. The way Sam accuses her does something to her. It’s the closest she’s come to actually admitting something close to feelings, and Alex’s head spins with what it all might mean. She knows they should take a break, maybe call it quits for the day, but now she’s more energized and reeling with the adrenaline of an emotional waterfall plunging over the cliff.

“Whatever. Are you ready?” Sam asks, putting her fists up and getting set.

Alex feels herself start to lose control as she lets herself truly feel everything she’s been avoiding for the past few weeks. The hurt of betrayal, one that isn’t entirely Sam’s fault, but that stings like a rejection every time she treats Alex like an acquaintance instead of something more, or something real. The sorrow in her eyes when she looks at Alex like she wants to say something else before she shuts down, staying buttoned up and reluctant, which is enough to make Alex want to scream. The tension between them, hot, magnetic and glowing with the neon lights of pure unadulterated attraction -- an attraction that still manages to rise to the top despite Alex’s best attempts to bury it in the landfill of her feelings. It has a nasty way of calling attention to itself whenever they’re together, or whenever Alex is alone and thinking about Sam.

Which is all the time, it seems, as Alex frowns at the realization.

“Maybe we should stop,” Alex suggests, stiffening. Her brain is clouded with too many jumbled memories, and Sam’s scowling face in front of her doesn’t help. “I don’t think this is going to be productive.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Sam says, her voice hollow and defeated. “It’s not like any of this is going to help.”

“Well not with that attitude,” Alex huffs. “If you just try--”

“Don’t lecture me, Alex, okay? I’m not Kara,” Sam cuts in, exasperated. “Either let’s get on with it, or let’s stop, but please, I’m not in the mood to have a psych evaluation. I have a therapist for that.”

“Fine.”

Alex lands a quick, powerful punch straight to Sam’s unprotected jaw -- a cheap shot, by all means -- and Sam’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Don’t let your guard down, ever,” Alex says evenly. “You’re getting sloppy.”

Sam’s face darkens and she puts her fists up to retaliate. At this point, Alex isn’t sure who is training who, or what the goal is. Maybe that isn’t the point, anymore. Maybe they both just need to air out their grievances using fists, and hands, and legs, clawing until they finally reach a common ground. She launches forward with speed, spinning deftly and connecting solidly with a roundhouse kick to Sam’s ribs. It backs her down enough that Alex can continue to stand her up, bearing down on her until she’s the one that’s got Sam cornered, her back against a wall. Sam grunts in frustration as she tries to heave a forearm in Alex’s direction, but Alex retaliates easily by slamming it above her head and locking it in place. Sam tries to push against her, but Alex has both her arms high above her head, firmly trapped against the concrete. They stand in silence with nothing but hisses of breath between them, their faces inches apart, chests heaving. Sam’s eyes dart from Alex’s lips to her face, before looking away and focusing over Alex’s shoulder.

It feels like a dagger to the sternum, and Alex pushes off aggressively, turning her back on Sam. Each step she takes only serves to usher in an influx of memories-- the feeling of Sam’s lips crashing into hers, her lean, muscular body pinning Alex down for very different reasons -- and it’s enough to leave her mouth dry and her limbs heavy from trying to resist giving in to the temptation. But the way Sam remains steadfast and aloof, refusing to acknowledge that she even remembers anything from the past means Alex is once again left wanting.

“Alex?”

She feels Sam’s hand on her shoulder and it makes her stomach lurch. She shakes her off abruptly.

“Don’t you _feel_ that?” Alex exclaims, turning to face her. She crosses her arms. “Or have you forgotten all of that, too?”

It’s a low blow, and she knows it, but she can’t be bothered to care anymore about sparing feelings.

“I--” Sam starts to answer, before tilting her head in confusion. “What?”

“I’m not afraid of you! I could never be afraid of you! It’s--” Alex shakes her head. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“No, what is it?”

Alex stares at her, gritting her teeth so hard she can feel the pain in her jaw. Sam searches her for answers, but doesn’t say anything, and Alex realizes with regret that it means she has to be the one to do it. She inhales sharply, debating what to do, before her mouth does the work for her.

“Don’t you remember any of it?” Alex blurts. Sam’s mouth hangs open slightly in stunned silence. She goes to speak, before closing her mouth completely and shaking her head, uncomprehending. “Tell me it’s not just me.”

Alex feels pathetic for begging, but it’s all she can do as she silently pleads at Sam to _get_ it. _Tell me you feel me, too._

The only sound Alex can hear is the faint buzzing of electricity coming from the lights above them, and the beating of her own heart. Sam doesn’t speak, choosing instead to walk toward her carefully, selecting her steps delicately. Alex frowns as she keeps walking toward her, and she isn’t sure if they’re going to spar or start yelling each other. With each step Sam takes, Alex’s heart jumps, until finally Sam is standing in front of her with barely any space left between them.

“What are you doing?” Alex asks, her quivering voice betraying her strength.

Sam remains deadly silent, closing the gap completely before reaching out and grabbing the collar of Alex’s sweatshirt, bringing their lips together with force. Finally, after waiting so long and wondering if it would ever happen again between them, Alex feels the way Sam pours everything into her lips, pulling Alex into her arms and kissing her with more intensity than she could have possibly expected.

Alex wants to resist; wants to yell and pound her fists against Sam’s back in retaliation for all the sleepless nights, and all the _struggle_ they’ve both gone through. Instead, she finds she’s powerless, her muscles completely slack with lethargy. She lets herself melt into Sam’s arms, giving in to the way they close protectively around her with familiar warmth. She kisses Sam back with all the enthusiasm she can muster while trying to remember to breathe. It’s forgiveness and hope wrapped together in a package that Alex teases open with her tongue. Sam’s lips are full and soft, and it causes a rush of warmth to pool in her stomach, as she remembers how good it feels to be with her. When they come up for air, Alex is dazed, as Sam rests their foreheads together gently.

“It’s not just you,” she exhales softly, her eyes still fixed on the ground.

 

\----- 

 

Alex pushes herself out of Sam’s grip abruptly, her eyes darting around the room, studying every corner with particular interest. Sam stumbles slightly as Alex skirts around her, running to the door and checking to make sure it’s locked.

She closes all the blinds along the windows and pauses, scanning one more time for good measure.

“Shouldn’t we--” Sam starts, looking around as Alex moves about the room. “I don’t know, go somewhere else?”

“I’m not taking any chances.”

Alex turns back around, catching sight of Sam again, and her stomach flutters so fiercely that she has to pause to collect herself against the dizzying need erupting inside of her. It takes as much control as she can to put one foot carefully and deliberately in front of the other as she approaches, despite the voice in her head urging her to _hurry, before it’s too late_ \-- like Sam is going to disappear before Alex can touch her again. She resists the urge to launch herself into Sam’s arms, but it takes massive self control as the fallen hero with the easy smile stands in front of her looking so strong and capable and _real_. Sam has her hands on her hips, her sweatshirt hanging off her shoulder, exposing the strap of the tight black tank top underneath. Her ponytail is messy and lopsided from training, with parts of her hair pulled out of place by Alex’s wandering hands. She’s gritty, unmasked and unchained and as far as Alex is concerned, she has never been hotter. For a brief, glorious moment, they aren’t in the DEO; they aren’t training or learning to pick up the pieces. They aren’t recovering from tragedy or trying to forget the past. They’re just them, Alex and Sam, reuniting on top of the rubble, victorious.

Her heart pounds heavily in her chest, and her hands tremble with excited, nervous energy. It’s terrifying, the effect Sam has always had and continues to have on her, but nothing is more terrifying than the thought of losing her again. Alex closes the gap between them and kisses her fully, embracing the pent up emotions and releasing them like her life depends on it. Her mouth pushes desperate and insistently against Sam’s, who hums with pleasure and rocks back on her heels, kissing her back just as eagerly.

“You know we can go somewhere else and I’ll still want you, right?” Sam asks, pulling away slightly and chuckling. “I’m not leaving.”

“No chances,” Alex says against Sam’s lips. “Please just stay.”

Sam nods and Alex smiles at the way she lets her take the lead, allowing herself to be pushed against the opposite wall as Alex’s hands roam freely under the fabric of her shirt. It’s a deviance from their earlier patterns; Sam usually being more forward, Alex ready and willing and wanting, but there’s a necessary shift in the air, and Alex feels charged and determined to express exactly how she feels without using _any_ words in explanation. She kisses Sam again, nipping at her bottom lip and earning a satisfied groan as her fingers scrape along the chiseled outline of Sam’s abs. Sam’s hands find their way under Alex’s jacket and shirt, moving deliberately from her ribs, around to her back, her nails scratching along her shoulder blades. Their kiss deepens, and Sam’s tongue strokes along Alex’s own before she pulls back slightly and uses it to taste Alex’s lips. Her tongue continues to tease, before she pushes in fully, picking up the pace with her mouth and clutching at Alex’s back.

Alex smiles at the delicious reminder of just how _fantastic_ a kisser Sam is.

“What?” Sam asks, mirroring Alex’s smile.

“I almost forgot how good at this you are.”

“Then I better remind you.”

Sam winks, and Alex feels the arousal twist and grind intensely in her lower stomach, turning the rest of her limbs to clay. Their kiss is long and hot and fills both of their mouths with words that can’t be spoken. Alex moves her lips to Sam’s throat, wanting to kiss every exposed part that her clothing will allow. She licks along the expanse of skin, tasting the salt of exertion and feeling the warmth flare in her core at every inch of Sam she’s able to savor. Sam thrusts her head back to expose more of herself for Alex to ravish with her teeth, and Alex continues to slide her hands up to Sam’s chest.

“You don’t have your strength,” Alex reminds her as she nips at the sensitive skin of her neck, using her tongue to soften the sting. “I might leave marks.”

“Do it,” Sam exhales, her eyes fluttering as they roll back with another stroke of Alex’s tongue. “I don’t care.”

Alex grins into Sam’s skin, biting firmly into the sensitive flesh and sliding her hands under the elastic of her sports bra. Her skin is smooth and taut, marbled over lean muscle that sends jolts of adrenaline rocketing through Alex’s body. Her hands continue to knead over the swells of her breasts that fit in Alex’s hands like they are custom made for her and her alone. Sam’s hips come forward and connect with Alex’s as she makes herself entirely available for every single touch.

“You drive me crazy,” Sam hisses, her mouth dangerously close to Alex’s ear. She nips at her lobe, her tongue swirling teasingly around. The goosebumps travel down the entirety of Alex’s arms as Sam’s touch causes several small explosions. “I need you.”  

Sam brings her long leg up, bracketing it around Alex’s waist, shifting them slightly so Alex has enough room for her hands to go where she wants them. She slides her hand back down Sam’s torso, teasing at hip bones and scratching at her muscular thigh before she dips her fingers under the band of Sam’s pants. She wastes no time in teasing at her entrance, the heat igniting over her skin like a blaze when she feels how wet Sam already is for her.

“Fuck,” Sam groans, her hips coming off the wall and thrusting toward Alex’s hand. “Alex, please…”

As much as she wants to take her time and savor the moment, to lay Sam down and undress her completely, allowing her hands and lips and tongue the freedom to explore every glorious inch of her unbreakable body, it’s been too much time already. There’s been to much waiting, too much fighting -- and Alex feels herself slipping, on the verge of frenzy if she doesn’t take Sam right this instant.

It’s messy, and heated, and fast, but they’re both desperate and panting, pushing against each other in a tangle of limbs and teeth and tongues. Alex thrusts into her deliberately, moaning against her lips at the feeling of slick heat tightening around her fingers. She arches and curls them forward, stroking deeply into Sam’s core and taking pleasure in watching Sam’s eyes flutter closed. Alex continues to coax the release from deep inside until Sam’s head rolls back, with Alex’s name getting lost on every sharp intake of breath.

“More, Alex, more. I need more of you...” Sam begs as Alex pushes another finger inside, stretching her further and being rewarded with another low, guttural moan. “You’re so good… don’t stop...”

Sam’s back slams fiercely against the wall, her body pounding into it with each thrust of Alex’s hand and hips as she picks up the pace between her legs, determined to give Sam all she can possibly handle. It’s easier with them at even strength for Alex to be sure that Sam can really feel her, all of her, and it’s enough motivation to keep up her delirious rhythm.

Sam grabs for Alex’s lower back, her fingers digging in sharply as she pushes her at the tempo she craves. Alex’s lips find Sam’s mouth again, swallowing the elevated sounds of pleasure as Sam’s body rides out her orgasm. Alex feels the way her body shakes and writhes against her, her thighs quivering as Alex works her over the edge, easing up and slowing down gently as she feels Sam’s muscles go limp in her arms.

“Alex…” she whispers, staring at her under hooded lids with an exhausted smile. “Wow…”

“I know--” Alex starts, but before she can say more, Sam is grinning devilishly and shifting their positions, coming off the wall and stalking forward with a glint in her eye.

Before Alex has time to react, Sam flips them around, pushing against her back so that it’s Alex now facing the wall. Sam leans into her firmly, spreading her legs with her thigh as she stands flush against Alex’s back. Alex spreads her palms along the wall for balance, feeling the heat from Sam’s body as she continues to push against her, her breath in Alex’s ear as she licks and teases at her neck.

“My turn.”

Sam’s voice is low and throaty, and Alex feels her body melt at the way it sounds. She thrusts her head back, surprised at the way the moan escapes her lips as soon as Sam’s tongue trails down her neck. Sam is the epitome of strength, revving like an engine with unlimited horsepower, yet so in control that her touches are engineered to precision. Her hand reaches around and grabs Alex’s throat -- firmly, yet still with a surprisingly gentle grip -- all while the fingers of her left hand disappear down the waistline of Alex’s pants. Alex pushes her hips back to give Sam a better angle, her heart racing and her clit throbbing, aching for Sam to fill her completely.

“Touch me,” Alex begs, barely able to stand it anymore. The craving for Sam has been building for months, growing exponentially with every chance encounter, every shift of eyes when Alex had to pretend to be fine with their separation. Now Sam’s fingers play her like a well-tuned instrument, and Alex feels every part of her come alive with _need_.

Sam licks at her ear, her hot breath coming in gasps and starts as she thrusts two fingers deeply into Alex’s wet, aching core. Alex gasps at the sensation, the fingers against her throat tightening slightly, with Sam taking full control.

“I missed feeling you,” Sam husks. “You feel so good, Alex.”

Alex inhales, and her senses are inundated with everything Sam -- the fabric softener against her clothing accented with the faded scent of her cologne, the kind that makes Alex’s mouth water; her long, dexterous fingers inside of her, expertly twisting and working at a feverish pace that has Alex seeing stars; her warm tongue teasing along the slope of her jaw and down her neck, swirling at the sensitive spots and making Alex’s toes curl; and finally her hips, strong and solid like steel against Alex’s own, causing them to buck in tandem with every single movement. It doesn’t take long before Alex feels herself about to give in, the tension coiling low in her stomach as Sam works in a relentless rhythm that builds and gives, builds and gives. She shifts her hand from Alex’s throat down securely around her waist, supporting her weight fully as she continues to fuck her senseless. Alex closes her eyes and feels the way her body is sculpted by Sam’s perfectly capable hands, her vision tunneling to nothing but pleasant, delicious darkness.

“Come for me,” Sam whispers, her voice heavy and commanding. “I want to hear you.”

Her demands cause Alex to lose it completely, moaning her name and begging for release as her body clenches in desperation. The shockwaves reverberate through every nerve, sending her spiraling over the edge so intensely that she feels herself sinking to her knees with Sam all around her. Sam strokes her gently, pulling out once Alex’s body has finally stopped shaking. Immediately, Alex misses the sensation of Sam filling her and she shifts to her side to try to grasp on to any part of her that she can.

Sam curls up on her side facing Alex, both of them unbothered by the fact that they’re on the floor of the DEO, casually spent from everything other than training. Sam’s fingers trace patterns along Alex’s exposed hip, her shirt having ridden up just enough to show some skin. The sensation tickles slightly and Alex grins as Sam looks at her with a blissful expression.

It’s the happiest Alex has seen Sam since before Reign, and in the moment, it’s everything.

“So I guess…. you do remember….”

Alex’s voice is embarrassingly hoarse as she presses into Sam, kissing from her ear down along her jaw, pausing again at her full, inviting lips. Her eyes flicker to catch Sam gazing at her with the familiar look in her eye that Alex thought was lost forever. It’s once again filled with hope, and, Alex realizes with a flutter, that little something extra. Alex melts around Sam’s body, folding herself into every available space and getting lost in the safe haven of her embrace.

“Of course I remember,” Sam responds, leaning into Alex further. She lets out a long contented sigh. “It’s the one thing I couldn’t stop thinking about.”

Sam gently nudges Alex’s face up to face hers, leaning over and kissing her smile. It’s soft, and tranquil, her mouth moving gently as her fingers stroke along Alex’s jaw.

They stay wrapped up in each other for a few moments, lazily letting time pass by, before Alex feels Sam’s hands start wandering dangerously lower and lower. Alex gives her a look and Sam simply shrugs.

“I’m making up for lost time,” she teases, capturing Alex’s lips fully once more. “I told you endurance was my strong suit.”

**Author's Note:**

> you're welcome. @stennnn06


End file.
